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FOR THOSE WHO LOVE THE PHILOSOPHY OF AMBIGUITY!
https://classictw.com/viewtopic.php?f=14&t=22618
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Author:  Sage [ Thu Jul 30, 2009 11:34 am ]
Post subject:  FOR THOSE WHO LOVE THE PHILOSOPHY OF AMBIGUITY!

FOR THOSE WHO LOVE THE PHILOSOPHY OF AMBIGUITY:


1. ONE TEQUILA, TWO TEQUILA, THREE TEQUILA, FLOOR.

2. ATHEISM IS A NON-PROPHET ORGANIZATION.

3. CAN AN ATHEIST GET INSURANCE AGAINST ACTS OF GOD?

4. IF MAN EVOLVED FROM MONKEYS AND APES, WHY DO WE STILL HAVE MONKEYS AND APES?

5. THE MAIN REASON THAT SANTA IS SO JOLLY IS BECAUSE HE KNOWS WHERE ALL THE BAD GIRLS LIVE.

6. I WENT TO A BOOKSTORE AND ASKED THE SALESWOMAN, 'WHERE'S THE SELF-HELP SECTION?' SHE SAID IF SHE TOLD ME, IT WOULD DEFEAT THE PURPOSE.

7. WHAT IF THERE WERE NO HYPOTHETICAL QUESTIONS?

8. IF A DEAF PERSON SIGNS SWEAR WORDS, DOES HIS MOTHER WASH HIS HANDS WITH SOAP?

9. IF SOMEONE WITH MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES THREATENS TO KILL HIMSELF, IS IT CONSIDERED A HOSTAGE SITUATION?

10. IS THERE ANOTHER WORD FOR SYNONYM?

11. WHERE DO FOREST RANGERS GO TO 'GET AWAY FROM IT ALL?'

12. WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU SEE AN ENDANGERED ANIMAL EATING AN ENDANGERED PLANT?

13. IF A PARSLEY FARMER IS SUED, CAN THEY GARNISH HIS WAGES?

14. WOULD A FLY WITHOUT WINGS BE CALLED A WALK?

15. WHY DO THEY LOCK GAS STATION BATHROOMS? ARE THEY AFRAID SOMEONE WILL CLEAN THEM?

16. IF A TURTLE DOESN'T HAVE A SHELL, IS HE HOMELESS OR NAKED?

17. CAN VEGETARIANS EAT ANIMAL CRACKERS?

18. IF THE POLICE ARREST A MIME, DO THEY TELL HIM HE HAS THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT?

19. WHAT WAS THE BEST THING BEFORE SLICED BREAD?

20. ONE NICE THING ABOUT EGOTISTS: THEY DON'T TALK ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE.

21. HOW IS IT POSSIBLE TO HAVE A CIVIL WAR?

22. IF ONE SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMER DROWNS, DO THE REST DROWN TOO?

23. IF YOU ATE BOTH PASTA AND ANTIPASTO, WOULD YOU STILL BE HUNGRY?

24. IF YOU TRY TO FAIL, AND SUCCEED, WHICH HAVE YOU DONE?

25. WHOSE CRUEL IDEA WAS IT FOR THE WORD LISP TO HAVE 'S' IN IT?

26. WHY ARE HEMORRHOIDS CALLED HEMORRHOIDS INSTEAD OF ASTEROIDS?

27. WHY IS IT CALLED TOURIST SEASON IF WE CAN'T SHOOT AT THEM?

28. WHY IS THERE AN EXPIRATION DATE ON SOUR CREAM?

29. IF YOU SPIN AN ORIENTAL PERSON IN A CIRCLE THREE TIMES DO THEY BECOME DISORIENTED?


:wink:

Author:  Angoth [ Thu Jul 30, 2009 11:37 am ]
Post subject:  Re: FOR THOSE WHO LOVE THE PHILOSOPHY OF AMBIGUITY!

Sage wrote:
7. WHAT IF THERE WERE NO HYPOTHETICAL QUESTIONS?


Internet Off Topic forums would have far fewer posts.

Author:  Singularity [ Thu Jul 30, 2009 12:39 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: FOR THOSE WHO LOVE THE PHILOSOPHY OF AMBIGUITY!

Quote:
1. ONE TEQUILA, TWO TEQUILA, THREE TEQUILA, FLOOR.


Bottles or shots?


Quote:
2. ATHEISM IS A NON-PROPHET ORGANIZATION.


Unless they decide they need one. I think being the prophet of atheism
would be cool.


Quote:
3. CAN AN ATHEIST GET INSURANCE AGAINST ACTS OF GOD?


Insurance companies don't cover acts of God. Acts of the devil, on the
other hand, are standard with every contract.


Quote:
4. IF MAN EVOLVED FROM MONKEYS AND APES, WHY DO WE STILL HAVE MONKEYS AND APES?


Because we didn't. We evolved from a common ancestor that preceeded
modern great apes, we evolved in one direction and they evolved in another.


Quote:
5. THE MAIN REASON THAT SANTA IS SO JOLLY IS BECAUSE HE KNOWS WHERE ALL THE BAD GIRLS LIVE.


My north pole?


Quote:
6. I WENT TO A BOOKSTORE AND ASKED THE SALESWOMAN, 'WHERE'S THE SELF-HELP SECTION?' SHE SAID IF SHE TOLD ME, IT WOULD DEFEAT THE PURPOSE.


Uppity b*tch.


Quote:
7. WHAT IF THERE WERE NO HYPOTHETICAL QUESTIONS?


Then there wouldn't be any hypothetical answers.
Hypothetically speaking.


Quote:
8. IF A DEAF PERSON SIGNS SWEAR WORDS, DOES HIS MOTHER WASH HIS HANDS WITH SOAP?


Yep.


Quote:
9. IF SOMEONE WITH MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES THREATENS TO KILL HIMSELF, IS IT CONSIDERED A HOSTAGE SITUATION?


Sure would be fun to watch tho.


Quote:
10. IS THERE ANOTHER WORD FOR SYNONYM?


In English?


Quote:
11. WHERE DO FOREST RANGERS GO TO 'GET AWAY FROM IT ALL?'


The city.


Quote:
12. WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU SEE AN ENDANGERED ANIMAL EATING AN ENDANGERED PLANT?


Make stew.


Quote:
13. IF A PARSLEY FARMER IS SUED, CAN THEY GARNISH HIS WAGES?


Only if he has a W2, you need proof of cabbage before you can take the green.


Quote:
14. WOULD A FLY WITHOUT WINGS BE CALLED A WALK?


A hobble.


Quote:
15. WHY DO THEY LOCK GAS STATION BATHROOMS? ARE THEY AFRAID SOMEONE WILL CLEAN THEM?


Ppl steal toilet paper, or take merchandise in there and shove it down their pants.


Quote:
16. IF A TURTLE DOESN'T HAVE A SHELL, IS HE HOMELESS OR NAKED?


I think he'd just be considered dead.


Quote:
17. CAN VEGETARIANS EAT ANIMAL CRACKERS?


Yes, but not on Sunday, unless they're also an atheist. Thus sayeth
the atheist prophet.


Quote:
18. IF THE POLICE ARREST A MIME, DO THEY TELL HIM HE HAS THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT?


Mimes can hear, they just can't reply. Would be fun to watch a mime getting tazed.


Quote:
19. WHAT WAS THE BEST THING BEFORE SLICED BREAD?


Regular bread. People get hungry enough, they'll eat anything.


Quote:
20. ONE NICE THING ABOUT EGOTISTS: THEY DON'T TALK ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE.


Unless they've got multiple personalities.


Quote:
21. HOW IS IT POSSIBLE TO HAVE A CIVIL WAR?


2 very polite ppl staring intently at one another? That or just
use kind bullets.


Quote:
22. IF ONE SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMER DROWNS, DO THE REST DROWN TOO?


No, they become asynchronized.


Quote:
23. IF YOU ATE BOTH PASTA AND ANTIPASTO, WOULD YOU STILL BE HUNGRY?


After yoour stomach explodes, yes. Matter and anti-matter don't mix well.


Quote:
24. IF YOU TRY TO FAIL, AND SUCCEED, WHICH HAVE YOU DONE?


Both


Quote:
25. WHOSE CRUEL IDEA WAS IT FOR THE WORD LISP TO HAVE 'S' IN IT?


Oh how I wish I could take credit for that.


Quote:
26. WHY ARE HEMORRHOIDS CALLED HEMORRHOIDS INSTEAD OF ASTEROIDS?


The word was already taken, and arsetroid was too British.


Quote:
27. WHY IS IT CALLED TOURIST SEASON IF WE CAN'T SHOOT AT THEM?


We can't?


Quote:
28. WHY IS THERE AN EXPIRATION DATE ON SOUR CREAM?


Because we don't want it going good.


Quote:
29. IF YOU SPIN AN ORIENTAL PERSON IN A CIRCLE THREE TIMES DO THEY BECOME DISORIENTED?


They become Mexican.


... bored ...

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