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 "Oh my God." 
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Lieutenant J.G.
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Subject: UNREAL !!!!!!!!

The following is supposedly an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term. The answer by one student was so
"profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the
Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic
(absorbs heat)?
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law
(gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some
variant. One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.
As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different
Religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell.
Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.
Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because
Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in
Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added. This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls
enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls
in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell
freezes over.

So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, "it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you, and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over.

The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it
follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore,
extinct...leaving only Heaven thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God."
THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A" IN THE CLASS!!

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Mon Jun 05, 2006 11:06 am
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quote:Originally posted by Father Cajone

Subject: UNREAL !!!!!!!!

The following is supposedly an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term. The answer by one student was so
"profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the
Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic
(absorbs heat)?
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law
(gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some
variant. One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.
As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different
Religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell.
Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.
Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because
Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in
Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added. This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls
enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls
in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell
freezes over.

So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, "it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you, and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over.

The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it
follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore,
extinct...leaving only Heaven thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God."
THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A" IN THE CLASS!!




Ahhh, now that was good. Now I have something to explain to my kids when they ask... which, they are... Thank you...

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Mon Jun 05, 2006 3:16 pm
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A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night & have dinner with

her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her

boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out & make love for

the first time.





Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes

a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. He tells the pharmacist

it's his first time & the pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He

tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex. At the

register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy,

a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack. The boy insists on the family pack

because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time & all.



That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house & meets his

girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents,

come on in!



The boy goes inside & is taken to the dinner table where the girl's

parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace & bows his head.



A minute passes, & the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down.



10 minutes pass, & still no movement from the boy.



Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over

& whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious."



The boy turns, & whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a

pharmacist."


Mon Jun 05, 2006 7:08 pm
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quote:Originally posted by Baited

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night & have dinner with

her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her

boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out & make love for

the first time.





Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes

a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. He tells the pharmacist

it's his first time & the pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He

tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex. At the

register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy,

a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack. The boy insists on the family pack

because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time & all.



That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house & meets his

girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents,

come on in!



The boy goes inside & is taken to the dinner table where the girl's

parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace & bows his head.



A minute passes, & the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down.



10 minutes pass, & still no movement from the boy.



Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over

& whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious."



The boy turns, & whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a

pharmacist."




Ha ha ha ha now that is good ;)

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But risk has always been an inescapable part of warfare.

--

Knight to Queen's Bishop 3


Mon Jun 05, 2006 7:29 pm
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LOL, that's good stuff!

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Mon Jun 05, 2006 8:30 pm
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A big city lawyer went duck hunting in South Louisiana. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing. The litigator responded, "I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I'm going in to retrieve it."

The old farmer replied. "This is my property, and you are not coming over here."

The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial attorneys in the U.S. and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything you own."

The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we do things in Louisiana. We rule ourselves under the Napoleonic Code. We settle small disagreements like this with the Louisiana Three Kick Rule."

The lawyer asked, "What is the Louisiana Three Kick Rule?" The Farmer replied. "Well, first I kick you three times and then you kick me three times, and so on, back and forth, until someone gives up."

The attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom. The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the city feller.

His first kick planted the toe of his heavy work boot into the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees where he immediately vomited.

The geezer's second kick nearly ripped the man's nose off his face.

The barrister was flat on his belly when the farmer's third kick to a kidney nearly caused him to give up.

The lawyer summoned every bit of his dark heart, vengeful will and managed to get to his feet and said, "Okay, you old coot now it's my turn."

The old farmer smiled and said, "Naw, I give up. You can have the duck."

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Tue Jun 06, 2006 12:55 pm
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Alright, well that one was a little disturbing! [B)][B)][B)]

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Tue Jun 06, 2006 8:19 pm
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Bill Clinton, Bill Gates, and Al Gore were in an airplane that crashed. They're up in heaven, and God's sitting on the great white throne.

God addresses Al first. "Al, what do you believe in?"

Al replies, "Well, I believe that the combustion engine is evil and that we need to save the world from CFCs and that if anymore freon is used, the whole earth will become a greenhouse and we'll all die."

God thinks for a second and says "Okay, I can live with that. Come and sit at my left."

God then addresses Bill Clinton. "Bill, what do you believe in?"

Bill Clinton replies, "Well, I believe in power to the people. I think people should be able to make their own choices about things and that no one should ever be able to tell someone else what to do. I also believe in feeling people's pain."

God thinks for a few second and says, "Okay, that sounds good. Come and sit at my right."

God then address Bill Gates. "Bill Gates, what do you believe?"

Bill Gates said, "I believe you're in my chair."

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Fri Jun 16, 2006 1:40 pm
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Hehe Don't let Bill Gates find out that you posted this, he will use you to set the foundation on his new building.

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Don't mess with me, I will 26 U.S.C. § 7212(a) your IRS!


Fri Jun 16, 2006 10:55 pm
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Three preachers die and go to heaven, where they meet St. Peter, who tells them that you can do pretty much what you want, but there is only one rule here, Don't step on the ducks!

Then they entered, there were people and ducks everywhere, and the theree preachers said this wouldn't be hard, so they mingled around a while, and kept in contact. After about a month one preacher accidentally stepped on a duck, then here comes St. Peter with the ugliest woman he has ever seen, and places her hand in his and pronounced, yours. The other two preachers saw this and redoubled their efforts to not step on any ducks, and after about a year the one of the two remaining preachers stepped on a duck, he thought maybe the first preacher got a fluke on who St. Peter gave him, then here comes St. Peter, and gives the second preacher an even uglier woman, and places her hand in his and proclaims, yours. Then leaves.

Well the last preacher saw this and made it his life long ambition in heaven to never step on a duck, so, many years go by and he has done the impossible and kept from stepping on a duck, then all of a sudden St. Peter comes with the most beautiful woman he has ever seen, and places her hand in his and proclaims, yours. Then leaves, now the preacher is happy, and asked the woman," What did I do to deserve this?" To which the woman replied in tears," I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck!"

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Sat Jun 17, 2006 7:29 am
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You Work for the Government If...

* You understand the rationalization of an acronym comprised of acronyms.

* You can name the project leader of more than 10 projects including your own, but still can't explain in the simplest terms what they do.

* You know that the location of a meeting is directly related to it's importance. (1) A meeting at Fort Hood requires a subordinate or a contractor. (2) The same meeting at Lake Tahoe requires your personal attention.

* You work for an acronym, on an acronym, and your job title is an acronym.

* You've sat at the same desk for 3 years, done the same thing for 3 years, but have had 3 different business cards.

* The process becomes more important than the product.

* You don't see anything wrong with attending a meeting on a subject you know nothing about.

* You feel you contributed to the meeting just by being there.

* You realize that a paperless office is impossible. Actually, you believe it is possible, just not in your office.

* You keep documents/manuals on projects that have been long since canceled.

* You stop raising issues/problems because you know you will be the one answering them.

* You fly across the country to attend a conference with 100+ people to discuss the fact that the project does not have enough money.

* You've sat at the same desk for 4 years and worked for three different agencies.

* Your name plate is attached with Velcro.

* Your resume is on a diskette in your pocket.

* The office symbol on your badge is applied with tape.

* When someone asks about what you do for a living, you lie.

* You get really excited about a 2% pay raise.

* Your biggest loss from a system crash is that you loose your best jokes.

* Your supervisor doesn't have the ability to do your job.

* You sit in a cubicle smaller than your bedroom closet.

* You think lunch is just a meeting to which you drive.

* It's dark when you drive to and from work.

* Fun is when issues are assigned to someone else.

* Communication is something your group is having problems with.

* You see a good looking person and know it is a visitor.

* Free food left over from meetings is your main staple.

* Weekends are those days your spouse makes you stay home.

* Being sick is defined as can't walk or you're in the hospital.

* Art involves a white board.

* You're already late on the assignment you just got.

* You work 200 hours for the $100 performance check and jubilantly say, "Oh wow, thanks!"

* Dilbert cartoons hang outside every cube.

* Your boss' favorite lines are "when you get a few minutes, " "in your spare time, " "when you're freed up, " and "I have an opportunity for you."

* Vacation is something you roll over to next year.

* Your relatives and family describe your job as "works with computers."

* Change is the norm.

* Nepotism is encouraged.

* The only reason you recognize your kids is because their pictures hang in your cube.

* You only have makeup for fluorescent lighting.

* You can name more people that used to work with you than people who do.

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Sat Jun 17, 2006 1:02 pm
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Thank you Baited and Vulcan for posting nice bits of humor. This thread was started for folks to add what they felt would be fun for others to enjoy and add to the thread. Without you adding your posts I was ready to delete my original entries and let those who felt they had to make comments without adding to the theme enjoy them without the original input. Anyone who has GOOD humor or satire to share with others please do so! If it works well then remember it was just an idea I had while getting tired of seeing folks jumping on other people's posts just in order to do it.

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Sat Jun 17, 2006 1:34 pm
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Two priests were going to Hawaii on vacation and decided that they would make this a real vacation by not wearing anything that would identify them as clergy.

As soon as the plane landed, they headed for a store and bought some really outrageous shorts and shirts, sandals, sunglasses, etc.

The next morning, they went to the beach, dressed in their "tourist" garb and were sitting on beach chairs, enjoying a drink, the sunshine and the scenery when a "drop-dead gorgeous" blonde in a tiny bikini came walking straight towards them. They couldn't help but stare and when she passed them, smiled and said, "Good morning Father", "Good morning Father", nodding and addressing each of them individually, then passed on by.

They were both stunned. How in the world did she recognize them as priests?

The next day they went back to the store, bought even more outrageous outfits - these were so loud, you could hear them before you even saw them - and again settled on the beach in their chairs to enjoy the sunshine, etc. After a while, the same gorgeous blonde, wearing a string bikini this time, came walking toward them again. (They were glad they had sunglasses, because their eyes were about to pop out of their heads.) Again, she approached them and greeted them individually: "Good morning Father", "Good morning Father", and started to walk away.

One of the priests couldn't stand it and said, "Just a minute young lady. Yes, we are priests, and proud of it, but I have to know, how in the world did YOU know?"

"Oh Father, don't you recognize me? Take a good look, now close your eyes, add a hat and gown. I'm sister Angela!"

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Sun Jun 18, 2006 3:32 am
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Heh, I like this one FC funny, I gotta tell it to my lil bro. hehehe.

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Sun Jun 18, 2006 7:44 am
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One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, and reads her book.

Along comes a Game Warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, "Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?"

"Reading a book," she replies, (thinking, "Isn't that obvious?")
"You're in a Restricted Fishing Area," he informs her.
"I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading."
"Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up."

"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault," says the woman.
"But I haven't even touched you," says the game warden.

"That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment."
The Game Warden said "Have a nice day ma'am," and he left.

MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads. It's likely she can also think.


Wed Jun 21, 2006 1:21 am
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